i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell
by splendidlyimperfect
Summary: Sting's anxiety pushes everyone away when he needs them most. / **Part of 'i'm with them' series, see profile for links** / check out our tumblr at gratsustingue-the-ot4


"Babe, we can find it later."

Natsu stood at the front door, frowning at Sting, who was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, opening random drawers and slamming them shut again. Sting ran his hands through his hair, groaning.

"I left it here, I know I did," Sting said. "Maybe Rogue moved it." He tapped his fingers against the counter, then moved over to the area where they kept their phone chargers and started rummaging through it again.

"I have my wallet," Natsu said gently, stepping forward into the kitchen and reaching out for Sting's arm. "We can look more when we get back, but we gotta get going – we told Dad we'd be there at two." He glanced at the clock, which read 1:37.

Sting shook his head, pushing Natsu's arm away. "It's not – I just..." He tried to take a deep breath, but his chest felt tight. "It was here," he insisted.

"You don't need it," Natsu reassured, trying again to reach out to Sting.

Sting pulled his arm away from Natsu again, stepping backward into the kitchen. There was a soft mrowl, and Sting cursed as he tripped backward over Lector and slammed his hip into the counter.

"Fucking son of a bitch," he shouted, feeling a wave of guilt as Lector leapt away from him and darted toward the bedroom. Sting bunched his hands into fists, digging his fingernails into his palms and closing his eyes. "Sorry," he said, trying to ignore the stinging pain on his hip that was definitely going to bruise.

"It's okay," Natsu said gently, staying where he was. "What's going on?" Sting had been grumpy and on edge since Sunday, withdrawing from the other three and keeping to himself.

Sting shook his head. The tag from his shirt rubbed against the back of his neck and he resisted the urge to tug it off. Frosch was yowling from the bedroom and Sting wanted to slam the door.

"Do you wanna stay home?" Natsu asked. Sting wanted to shake his head, wanted to go for lunch with Natsu and Silver and forget the wallet, and the stomachache, and the low, thrumming anger under his skin. Instead he nodded, crossing his arms over his stomach and trying not to cry. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No." Sting stared at the ground, at the hole in his socks – goddamnit, these were his favorite ones. He ground his teeth and closed his eyes. "Just... tell Dad I'm sorry."

"Why don't I reschedule with him?" Natsu's voice was gentle, and for some reason it irked Sting. "I don't think you should be by yourself."

"I'm not a child," Sting snapped, scratching at his wrist. The guilt in his chest was overruled by irritation and he glared down at the counter. "I'll be fine." Natsu hesitated and Sting's voice turned sharper. "Just go."

Natsu sighed, and Sting could tell he was trying hard not to move in for a hug.

"Okay," Natsu said eventually. "I'll leave my ringer on, call me if you need me, okay?" Sting nodded, biting his lip and biting back an irritated, _I don't need anything, go away._ "I love you," Natsu added.

"Love you too," Sting said softly, listening to Natsu's footsteps recede. As soon as the door clicked closed, Sting let out a shaky breath and leaned forward against the counter. His eyes were immediately drawn to the pile of dishes stacked next to the sink and he felt irritation flare up again.

He grabbed a few of the plates, opening the dishwasher and groaning when he realized it was clean. Tears pressed against his eyes again and he tossed the plates back on the counter, stalking away from the kitchen and into the bedroom. As soon as he walked into the room, he turned around again, grabbing his phone from the coffee table and curling up on the couch.

_I'm sorry._ He typed out the text under Natsu's name, then deleted it and switched to his conversation with Rogue and wrote,_ I need you._ Instead of hitting 'send,' he tipped his head back, angry tears filling his eyes as he threw his phone to the other end of the couch.

"Fuck," he whispered, running his hands over his face. Happy jumped up on the couch and tried to climb onto Sting's lap, and he growled, pushing Happy away. "Don't... just..."

Sting curled in on himself and started crying in earnest, burying his face in his arms. His shoulders shook as he choked out a sob, pulling his knees tight against his chest. Everything was too much and not enough, and his skin was too tight, and suddenly he was too hot, sweating through his thin t-shirt.

His phone went off a few times, but he kicked it away from him as each buzz pushed him closer and closer to screaming.

_Come back,_ Sting thought as he cried. _I'm sorry, I need you._

* * *

The text from Natsu had been simple – _im worried about sting, hes not good but he didnt want me there_ – but it had been enough for Gray to leave work early and immediately head home.

When Gray opened the front door, he could hear the shower running. He kicked off his shoes and headed for the bathroom, where he found Sting sitting on the floor next to the shower, shoulders shaking as he cried. His arms were red where he'd been scratching at them, and his forehead was pressed against his knees.

"Hey, sweetheart," Gray said softly, crouching down next to Sting. "C'mere." He touched Sting's arm and when Sting didn't pull away, Gray sat down next to him, pulling Sting into a sideways embrace.

"I'm s-sorry," Sting said, his breath coming in short, sharp pants. "I didn't... it's just..."

"Shhh," Gray said, brushing Sting's sweaty hair away from his face. "Breathe with me, okay?" He took Sting's hand and placed it on his own chest, then took a deep, slow breath, waiting for Sting to copy him before exhaling. "There you go. You're okay."

"I'm n-not, I don't... I'm sorry, I was a j-jerk to N-natsu, I didn't mean to..."

"I know," Gray said, taking another deep breath. Sting shook his head, chest rising and falling erratically. "Nobody's upset with you. Can you take another deep breath for me?"

"N-no," Sting gasped, tightening his arms around his knees. "I c-can't, I can't, I can't..."

"Okay, it's okay if you can't," Gray said quickly, running his hand up and down Sting's back, but stopping when Sting pulled away. "I'm gonna get your meds, okay?"

Sting didn't respond as Gray stood up, moving over to the medicine cabinet and grabbing a prescription bottle. He tipped one of the pills into his hand, then sat back down next to Sting, holding it out. Sting took it with a shaky hand, popping it under his tongue and then closing his eyes again, pressing his forehead to his knees.

"Do you wanna take a shower?" Gray asked. Sting shook his head, then changed his mind and nodded, sniffing and wiping his face. "With me or by yourself?"

"W-with you," Sting said shakily. Gray helped him stand up, pulling him into a hug and kissing his forehead before tugging off his shirt.

As soon as they were under the water, Sting let out a deep breath, leaning against Gray and wrapping his arms around Gray's waist. Gray started humming softly, grabbing the shampoo and lathering up Sting's hair.

"Wanna come with me to Halifax next month?" Gray asked, rinsing away the soap and rubbing Sting's back gently. "Todd's sending me to a conference so they'll pay for gas and the hotel. We can go to the beach if you want?"

Sting nodded against Gray's chest. "Yeah," he said softly. His breathing was slowly evening out, body relaxing against Gray's as Gray's fingers kneaded the knots in his shoulders. "All of us? Or just you and me?"

"Whatever you want," Gray said. Sting didn't say anything, just hugged Gray tighter.

* * *

An hour later, Rogue and Natsu were home, and Sting was curled up with them on the bed, wearing Natsu's hoodie and Gray's sweatpants.

"'m sorry," Sting said, gaze slightly unfocused as he looked up at Natsu. His head was in Natsu's lap, and Rogue was lying beside him, running his fingers over Sting's stomach.

Natsu shook his head. "It's okay," he said, brushing Sting's hair out of his face. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have left you alone."

"I tol' you to leave," Sting said sleepily. "Was a jackass."

"Yeah, but you're a cute jackass," Natsu teased. Rogue snorted, taking Sting's hand and lacing their fingers together.

"How're you feeling?" he asked, rubbing his thumb over Sting's knuckles. Sting made a sleepy sound, blinking slowly.

"Drugs're workin'," he said softly. "'s all fuzzy." He yawned, shifting a bit and nuzzling Rogue's neck. "I don' like taking them."

"I know," Rogue said, kissing Sting's forehead. "But Gray said you were spiraling pretty bad, I think it was a good thing that you took them."

Sting nodded, closing his eyes and relaxing into the strange sensation of being not-quite-real that always came with the medication. It was unsettling, but better than the time he'd passed out from hyperventilating.

There was a dip on the bed behind Sting, and a squeeze on his hip. He cracked open an eye and looked up to see Gray, smiling softly at him.

"Thanks," Sting whispered, reaching out and taking Gray's hand.

"Always," Gray said, shifting until he was lying behind Sting. He wrapped his arm around Sting's waist and placed a gentle kiss on the back of his neck, then murmured, "now go to sleep. We've got you – you're safe."


End file.
